I've been thinking a lot about how I've drifted away from being defined by what I do.
As a teenager, I was heavily into anime fandom. I'd stay up until ~3am on dial-up to socialize with fellow fans on message boards and IRC. Eventually learned Japanese so I could understand, etc. Now, well it's been years since I even saw any anime, and I don't have any anime fandom friends anymore. (I have friends are still in anime fandom, but I don't talk anime/anime fandom with them).
I still play games, but I never identified as a gamer (not back when I was playing MMOs 8 hours+ a day, and certainly not now).
I enjoy programming, but I don't think of myself as a hacker (I enjoy building stuff, I enjoy the puzzle-solving aspect, I don't default to doing it in my spare time. And while I used to volunteer on other projects, these days I do my work, read tech-related articles, and call it a day).
I love books, but that's a pretty generic thing -- I don't love a particular series of books (and never have).
I enjoy knitting, but I haven't done it in a while, and it's not like I make new patterns.
I am geeky in general, but I don't think of myself as a geek anymore. A lot of things that give my little geeky heart a thrill have gone mainstream which is fantastic and amazing, but it seems ridiculous to go "oh I'm a geek" when there is nothing different in my level of affection or devotion from that of any person who considers themselves a non-geek. It's all normal now (I would have killed to make this happen as a kid; I luxuriate in this now).
But I feel like... like I've lost something somewhere. The ability to geek out and obsess over specific things? The desire to take something I enjoy and make it a part of my identity? I enjoy things still, I just don't have the intensity I used to have. And I don't know if this is because I don't make the time to foster my interests, or if it's because my outlook on life has just changed.
I'm happy though. I'm just no longer intense. I can't decide what that means.
A couple weeks ago, I decided I was in the mood for cheerios and bought the normal ones. I was then very confused when it was not at all sweet. Turns out what I'm used to is honey-nut cheerios, which was the only kind we had back in the Philippines. Here you get (no-adjective) cheerios and honey-nut? what is this.
And then the other day, I was putting together a grocery list. zorkian suggested I buy Captain Crunch. I knew that name! So I put it on the list...
Turns out canonical Captain Crunch is actually called Captain Crunch Berries, and just plain old Captain Crunch is weird.
I knew I was going to run into culture shock in the move over here. I just didn't expect it to be the cereal that got me.
(But at least I have Lucky Charms <3)
(It was nice though, detoured and got some useful stuff along the way)
Been in new job a month. I've been sort-of-deliberately sort-of-not been careful about how I dress: mostly tshirts, jeans, minimal makeup. But I think by now I've proven I can *rock* it. So on the way home today I bought some happy-colored nailpolish. It's time to femme it up!
(It's not that coworkers would have judged me; but I want to avoid adding to any potential unconscious bias, especially if I was going to fail at any point. You all know what I mean.)
I've finally settled into the point where I can start *thinking* about other things, which was not the case before.
Especially the first couple weeks, I'd go to work, and well, work. And then I'd come home and read about work-related stuff -- either background in healthcare, or something about the specific technology stack we're using.
And now I feel a little like a swimmer surfacing from a deep dive and taking that first really deep breath of air. It's nice :)
Today I actually cooked dinner for myself (sort of). I've been interested in making the marinated eggs you find in ramen. I haven't had the ability to think about cooking in so long... and now I'm back. It's back. I boiled the eggs, made a marinade of soy sauce + rice vinegar + sugar, threw it in the refrigerator, and tomorrow I shall have something to eat. Hopefully delicious!
If it goes well, I may do a batch of it for breakfasts. Or I may not. WHO KNOWS.
On Monday I'm headed to New York for work! I'm excited :) I haven't been before. I'm staying in NY, but spending the bulk of my day at the office in Jersey. (Jersey City? New Jersey? I can't figure it out).
I don't have any plans, except to maybe get some New York pizza. Maybe also wander around. I think my chances of the first are lots more likely than my chances of the second.
My team lead on Yammer as I was cooking dinner: "What are you all still doing online! Stop working it's the weekend"
(I'm pretty sure *they're* both still going to work though :p)
(I am rather liking this place though. It's just been a week so who knows, but I am tentatively happy.)
I've seen so much happiness today, feel warm and mushy.
The ones where it's like "two 80-year-olds who have been together x years" make me tear up the most because asdfhfhfh to have been denied that for so long but then to have it within their lifetimes. I don't understand being able to look at them and still deny that they love one another and have made a life together. They've already made the lifetime commitment; being able to go to the courthouse to have the government formally acknowledge that doesn't change anything within their relationship, but it changes so much everywhere else. (And I wish it could have come sooner, but I'm glad that it happened *now*).
(I am so looking forward to SF Pride parade this Sunday. First time I'm able to attend; seems like a good year to go! My brother is all "wave a flag for me" :D)
(All the delay was on my part because I was travelling over the weekend so didn't submit the pull request until now).
Just need to figure out when it becomes publicly available and then maybe I can post over on fu :)
(But as far as I know, there shouldn't be anything breaking any more)
I cannot yet figure out how to get it updated though. Hmmm.
10:01 <zorkian> Whoops.
10:01 <zorkian> Sleepy fu
10:02 <Afuna> So sleepy haha
10:02 <Afuna> I almost fell asleep earlier looking at the captcha stuff
10:02 <zorkian> Cute :)
10:02 <Afuna> Hahahaha
10:02 <Afuna> Less cute if I'd face planted while sshing into prod
10:02 <Afuna> "Wtf is this command history"
10:03 <zorkian> "Aww, she sleepily wiped the databases"